Jurnal MissyMissMiso, 29 Jan 15

Sometimes, when we are feeling low it is very hard to find motivation to get ourselves out of that dark place, because of how we're feeling - it's a horrible vicious circle. If you have many areas that you're not happy with, try breaking them down a little bit and ask yourself what needs to change in each for them to be a positive part of your life rather than negative. Then try to do a small thing to change what you need to - one step at a time. It might be a slow way to get through things but sometimes when we need to make big changes in many areas of our life it can all become too overwhelming and instead of doing something small, we do nothing at all - which then makes us feel even more negative and guilty! I hope you get through this hard time - onwards and upwards :-) 

Hi Justine thanks for the words of encouragement. I guess I realised that there is little I can control in life. So I need to focus on what I can do and try make a change. Something I find hard to deal with is my relationship with my fiancee. He is 180kg now having gained probably 60kg since we met 5 years ago. I don't know what I can do to help him as he knows what it's done to our relationship but has not been able to change despite wanting to. I feel it might be something I have to let go of and accept it and hope one day things might turn around. I just wonder if he could ever be motivated enough to make the changes needed. It is also a reason why I eat a lot. I stopped caring about my appearance and half wanted him to be with someone unattractive too...sigh...it's such a trap.  

Hi Missy - well done on having some great insight into what might be happening in your relationship. I have found that when I start working on myself and getting my attitude and health in order, the people around me often get inspired and start to feel they can have a go at it too. You can't make your guy change - he has to do that - but you can be a great role model so he moves towards wanting to change and get some of what you have. Good luck and don't be too hard on yourself - we all need to take a break from the world once in a while! 

I'm in pretty much the same situation, Missy. Ever since we married, I have attempted to stay somewhat fit, only really getting more serious about it over the past 3 years. However, I'm the only one in the house. I often catch criticism for wanting to go to bed early enough to get at least 6 hours of sleep before getting up at 4 am to go to the gym or for a run. I catch flack for limiting myself to only one serving of dinner. I here how selfish I am for wanting to get up early on the weekend to go for a jog. My thoughts? I have not made this lifestyle change for anyone other than myself. I see how others who have let themselves go wind up with medical problems...I don't want to be that person, so I'm doing everything I can to stay as healthy and fit for as long of my life as possible. Bottom line -- you have to resolve that you want the lifestyle change for you and you alone. If loved ones support you, that is great; if their support is not obvious, then you have to be able to press on and do what you need to do for yourself.